Setting the Tone- Loving Boundaries


It’s been a while since our kids were small- they are now 18, 22 and 23.

It’s been a while since I negotiated tv preferences, homework time, how clean one’s plate had to be to be eligible for dessert, and when the bedtime was to be…

Our first two were 18 months apart.  I have vague uncomfortable memories of a lot of bickering and tussling.  One of them was a  biter.  One of them was a real boss and directed the activity in the house.  When they youngest came along, she had siblings aged 4 and 5.  It was an active household. 

I do remember saying “Because I said so,” a REAL lot. 

Sometimes, the best negotiations are NO negotiations.

As parents, I believe that our children  look to us to set the boundaries and to give some structure to their lives.  Not hard inflexible ironclad rules…. but loving boundaries.    It seems to go smoother when there are some guidelines and not everything is up for grabs.  That’s why the monks that I know love their lives in the monastery.  They say that in the rigidity of the rules… there is HUGE freedom.  They do not need to choose clothing or chores or prayer times or work… others do that for them ( or they sign onto a community Rule of Life) and then they have  more freedom to move within the boundaries.


Please comment.  Your answers may be a blessing for another.



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One Comment on “Setting the Tone- Loving Boundaries”

  1. Patricia Day Says:

    The first paragraph I could have written. except I have ages 25 23 22 16 – Loving boundries and roots and wings.
    Letting them explore, make mistakes and communication communication communication! Sitting around a supper table discussing the events of their day was very important when they were young. But just letting them know whether they are young or old that no matter what mistakes, what trouble or any thing they have to tell me. I wont react (like a crazy lady.).which is diffi cult) I will not judge. that this house will always be their security blanket with no questions asked.

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